Attained

It’s the everything you wanted

Right up until you got it

That’s the way

That’s the way

 

And now it’s all turned around

There’s nothing right anyone can say

It’s hard to tell

Hard to tell

Was it the money that got in the way?

 

The green paper we hand out

While we stop handing out love

The back pocket of power is full of it

And every heart that’s got a hold of it

Says it’s got no sustenance

Just choking it down

Just choke it down

 

It’s the ideals we’re chasing

Until we run smack into

The fact they’re not ideal

It accompanies a withering

Into old age atop the bodies

All ran over to get here

They ain’t no company

You wouldn’t want to hear what they had to say

 

And though we’ve watched every ascent to a throne crumble

We all want it for ourselves anyway

Any way

Everything we want is always waiting

For as long as we don’t know

What it is to hold it

 

We be running

We be struggling

We be thinking there’s something more

There ain’t nothing

There ain’t nothing

That couldn’t been had before

 

Atlas

The When

It’s like the child who came to you

And told you about the nightmare they had

And you turned the conversation into

How you had a bad day at work

 

Does the child care?

You’ve neglected them

And chosen yourself

And so world that is how you handle your problems

 

You take the cares and concerns of others

And turn them into how they are about you

You are selfish and reckless

And the suffering is left to continue

 

All because you are too busy looking in the mirror

To see the person there looking back at you

Without a hair out of place

While the rest of us are ashamed of you

 

The continents are feeling heavy

They teeter on the face

While some weigh them down

And others do without admitting to it

 

Silly. We all have weight

We are all of substance

And yet not substantial

What will happen as we still don’t know our place?

 

I feel the worry that once consumed the world

Worries that surmounted and some people lived through

But not them all

And how many shall we lose as we go forward?

 

And how needless will we say it was

When it is done?

We have time to make the mistakes

Others have already learned from

 

But I won’t make this one with you

I can see no war is won

Eradicate as you will

Holding cards you stacked

 

I will instead hope

For the days of today until the days of tomorrow

To have as much joy as they can

We all come to reach the truth

 

We just never know the when

 

Atlas

Trade Off

Things are gone

Little memories triggered by little threads of life

Can’t be recalled

It was my fault for relying on the link

And not the memory

 

What’s left is tattered and broken

Spread out in disarray

To hide what was taken

Such an ugly word that

 

Taken

 

We are left only with the consolation

That it was not more

That it was things and not us

That it was stuff and not something

More substantial than material goods

 

It stings of course

It’s the shock and the surprise that this could be done

But if it is the only thing we suffer in this life

It is not so bad

 

We will cross our fingers

And march ahead on our feet

A little wiser

A lot more cautious

More willing to have less

Because we have learned how fragile it is

Even when it is not made of glass

 

I will find the memories another way

And I will make new ones

To celebrate instead

A life

Another day to live

Though surrounded by less

Is surrounded by all I need

 

I am still capable of holding his hand

I still know the face I see

So much more can slip away

That I’ll take this opportunity

To enjoy what I have today

 

Atlas

The Risk In Being Me

Every time I dip a toe in the water

And watch the ripples begin to spread out

Watch my affect take effect

My breath starts to quicken

And I shrivel up

Like a leaf viewed in time-lapse

Hours to seconds

I go from full to gnarled

 

The risk in being known

Is being known

 

But no matter what you are

What I am

I am defined anyway

People don’t let people exist without definition

We create our own

The anonymous are known as something

And sometimes the monsters others imagine

Are worse than the “monster” that you are

 

The risk in being unknown

Is being shaped by the unknown

 

And no matter how much

I would rather go unnoticed

For fear of what being noticed may bring

I also fear being forgotten

For having been nothing substantial

But something someone named once

And walked away from never knowing

 

The risk in being invisible

Is being unmemorable

 

The fears compete

And so I act in an ongoing loop

It is in my nature

My existence

To explore with curiosity

And recoil when gaining attention

Pressing and withdrawing

Like a timid bud

 

Atlas

For You Too

I would say that it matters what today is

But it doesn’t

Not to you

Not right now

And you are bound so much to me

Even though we both act like we are separate

There is nothing that occurs to one of us

The other does not feel

Like unknown twins rejoined are you and I

 

And so what does not matter to you

Inevitably does not matter to me.

 

It had

It did matter

All the days leading to this

I with those bright eyes you expect of me

That uninhibited enthusiasm

Eagerness for the positive dismissing the threads pulling at the seams

Holding a sense of direction

By the light in the distance

That I had placed there

To navigate us both towards

 

And today you told me that light

Was nothing but a creation I built of nothing – a trifle.

 

Because despair attacked you and propelled you to act

I was assaulted too

The world has landed heavy on you of late

It was my turn to bear the weight

I played my part as the buoy

A neon bauble on the sea

But as those words washed over me

I found myself tiring

The task suddenly formidable

I swallowed water

As I started to sink you yelled at me

 

How could I fail you when I had so clearly known?

It was my turn to bear the weight.

 

Like Achilles’ heel or some other famous weakness

By this we have found my own

I am nothing without something ahead

Whether I’ve devised it

Or discerned something real

Whether it is grand or ordinary

It is only by some hope of light that I may float

It is only by some imagined star that I can shine

It is only by trust in you that I can be tough for us

 

It was my weakness but it has affected us together

The trust has been injured on both sides.

 

And you have recognized that you punctured your compass

And I have recognized that I started to sink

When you had counted on me

I seek to recover but am floundering

Distance has soaked the line between us

Where my hand would give strength to yours and yours to mine we find air

We look at each other with watery eyes

While we wait for time to mend the wound

Before we can find our ways back

 

Because I want today to matter

It had a promise of joy I wished for you too.

 

Atlas

 

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